I close my eyes to the destruction around me.
Only to find my sanctuary, the temple of my mind is also lay in ruin.
I open my eyes green with envy, and look to the people around me.
Do they not see the destruction all around?
Calling out to them
I plead for their help.
But they can’t.
They can’t understand.
The help I need is not a product of this world.
Once again I close my eyes to retreat to the once safety of my mind.
There is no longer any sense of comfort.
But darkness closing in.
I try to hold on to shred that ties me here
It slips though my fingers and I’m falling.
To fall was to be free…
To fall in more than one way….
And that is all I needed.
Be for retiring to my room for the evening(i.e. looking on tumblr, checking email, school stuff, reading, then bed) but then as I looked out of the blackened panes of the slide door, I decided that a nice breath of the cool night air before all that would be just perfect. So I pulled my hoodie up over my head and zipped up my faithful sweater of almost five years and pulled the door open to be greeted by the cool night air from my backyard. Pulling the door closed be hide me I am alone and I close my eyes and to listen to my neighborhood at night. I hear a few cars drive by, our cat Tom (who happens to be a female) meowing in the garage, the flickering from the street lamp beside our house trying to do its duty. I opened my eyes to see the struggling street lamp and look to the dark veil beyond, the stars seemed brighter than usual. I look on noticing the stars and constellations I do know, half tempted to look at my star map app. And then I thought it be great to have someone to say “That one there is Ursa Major, and there is Draco.” I’d talk about how I used to love to look up at the stars and how I used to get scared thinking about how big space was. I know I have to be patient in meeting people even friends right now is more than welcome because it comes down to the fact that I’m one of the people who can handle being alone but not feeling lonely. I continued to look up at the stars; maybe I was trying to see if they would show me my future prospects in life, no such luck. I began thinking about how things will be different this year for me and things are looking up, how I alone control my happiness and future. Rejuvenated from the impromptu outing I am ending this beautiful evening on a great note.
Sometimes when I stay awake at night, I begin to think about my life and I feel a soft smile on my face as I think of family, friends, general good memories and I am happy. But… then there are those nights when I stay awake at night and I begin to think about my life and I break down thinking about my mistakes, and regrets. However dark those nights may seem I always remember that the morning will come, there will be a new day, and I have the power to mold and shape my future daily.